


Mourning

by gonta_gokuhara_lover



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Kurapika (Hunter X Hunter), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nonbinary Kurapika (Hunter X Hunter), Trans Kurapika
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:00:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28996353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gonta_gokuhara_lover/pseuds/gonta_gokuhara_lover
Summary: Leorio is sad . Kurapika helps .
Relationships: Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	Mourning

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Simp4Teeth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simp4Teeth/gifts).



> This is probably ooc as FUCK but do I care ? No . It's 1 am and you people can deal

Sometimes , Leorio mourns for the child he never exactly got to be . By the time he was 17 he passed as a fully grown adult , and even before that he was expected to be far older than he felt . He'd grown up fast . 

Killua strikes a heavy sort of sadness in his chest , but Gon makes it even worse . Children . Like him . Kurapika makes his head hurt even trying to comprehend their survival . 

He doesn't feel like he went through enough in comparison . So he simply doesn't mention it . Leorio the greedy premed student . Selfish and arrogant in every way possible . It's easier to be that than it is to be anything else . 

That being said , it kills him to remember how Kurapika had looked at him during the hunter exams . Killed him to remember the shock on his friend's faces when they realized he was just as young as they are . How could he be ? Already stuck to the way the world works . 

His cause felt stupid . Money . He never wanted to be unable to care for anyone again . It's not noble like Kurapika , it isn't just like Gon's , and even Killua seems to be benefitting in some way . Leorio is just ... There . He feels ridiculous . 

Ridiculous in the way that Kurapika observes him , like a predator watching prey . Ridiculous in his height , nearly stumbling into low doorways , and ridiculous in his lack of ability . 

He turns over in his bed . Kurapika , who he shares a room with , doesn't stop watching . 

" Leorio , " They say , quietly . " Something is wrong . "

They can read him like a fucking magazine . He feels stupid . It would be easier to just mask like everybody else seems to do just fine . But Leorio always wears his heart on his sleeve , whether he liked it or not . He groans . 

" I'm trying to sleep . "

Get off my back , he says . Without saying that , of course . He can practically hear Kurapika frowning at him . 

" You're not . You've been sitting there for minutes and you had this look on your face . What were you thinking about ? "

" It's none of your business . "

He's right . It is none of their business . But hey , what kind of a friend would they be if they didn't care about him ? 

" I'm serious , Leorio . I'm worried about you . "

He's getting frustrated . Just leave him alone , you stupid fucking perfect idiot . He doesn't want to bring it up to Kurapika , who's suffered so much . He's afraid that they'll laugh and spit in his face . What right does he have to mourn ? 

They speak again , and he doesn't quite catch the words , but he knows that they piss him off . And he starts talking before he realizes it . 

" You know what ? God , fuck . I'm tired , Kurapika . You know you and the others thought I was nearly in my thirties when we first met ? And you told me all about how I'm so fucking ridiculous in my suit and tie . You guys barely even like me , right ? You think I'm some greedy nobody , and I'm tired of it . "

Kurapika is silent . 

" You all talk like I've never lost anyone before , or how I'm such a dick for wanting money before everything else . I'm fucking tired ! I've lost people too , and I hurt just like everybody fucking else ! I've never been a kid and all you people seem to do is rub it in my face . "

His face is burning . He has officially said far too much to be comfortable . Leorio pulls his covers up over his head and hides underneath them . Like a child . He curses the notion . It makes his chest ache . 

Kurapika inhales . They exhale . 

A mattress shifts . Leorio feels a weight press down on the edge of his bed , and then a hand on his back . " I'm sorry , Leorio , " Kurapika's voice says . " I really am . "

They sound so sincere that Leorio could vomit . Stop pitying him . He's not to be pitied . Leave him alone . Leave him alone leave him alone leavehimalone leavehim -

" You're not any less valid than anyone else , you know . "

His breath catches in his chest . Tears threaten him for the first time in a while . 

" You grew up too fast . It's okay to grieve for the person you could have been . It's okay to want things you didn't have . "

Leorio is shaking under their fingers . He hopes it isn't noticeable . It is . Tears pour over his skin . He barely notices . 

" We love you a lot , Leorio . More than I think you're aware of . Each one of us . We don't know what we'd do without you , and we're proud to have you on our team . We're proud of you . "

Proud of him . 

Proud of him proud of him proud of him proudofhim proudofhim . It plays back in his head over and over until he can't remember what it actually sounded like in real life . 

" I'm sorry for disregarding you . And I know that if the others knew they would be too . No one thinks that you're a bad person . We care for you . I care for you . "

Kurapika cares for him . That puts a warm feeling in his chest . They can feel him shake , so they rub small circles into the muscle of his back like if they do it long enough Leorio will forget how they even got there . 

" I want you to be happy , Leorio . That's all . However you need to do that . "


End file.
